Ancient Unanswerable Riddles Solved: Pt. 2

The Question: Which came first, the chicken or the egg?

The Answer: Dinosaurs.

This has been Ancient Unanswerable Riddles Solved. I am Theo Von Hohenheim, wishing you a good night.

Ancient Unanswerable Riddles Solved: Pt. 1

The Question: If a tree falls in the woods and no one is there to hear it, does it make a sound?

The Answer (long version): If this tree falls, it will cause vibrations in the air consistent with the sound of a tree falling. However, there is indeed something to the argument that a perceiver is necessary for these vibrations to count as a 'sound' proper. The right kind of auditory perceiver is necessary for the properties we generally associate with sound, such as pitch and timber, to exist. Otherwise it is simply a set of vibrations at certain frequencies. That said, there are many nonhuman woodland animals that would also count as this kind of perciever. So at the very least we need to remove them from the hypothetical vicinity as well as any humans. Personally, though, I am of the opinion that it can be counted as a sound as long as the right kind of perciever exists anywhere in the universe. So, if a tree fell before fish evoloved a sense of hearing, it did not make a sound. Every one after that happened did. In the end, this difference is merely one of semantics. (Note: Many arthropods and arachnids have some way of detecting vibrations. However, these are biomechanically so different from our hearing that I will not count it as such.)

The Answer (short version): Shut Up. I HATE this faux-profound bullshit.

This has been Ancient Unanswerable Riddles Solved. I am Theo Von Hohenheim, wishing you a good night.

Time to Update

Our modern understanding of human physiology has advanced to the point where the use of the heart as the universal symbol of love is antiquated enough to be insulting. Especially to a forward looking man of action such as myself.

All of those heart shaped valentines and "I Heart Puppies" logos have bought into a pre-Galenic understanding of the biological mechanisms of love. It's time for them to go. Instead, I propose we move on to those true drivers of sexual development and arousal: the endocrine glands.

From now on, these are some acceptable valentine cards: "I endocrine gland you, baby," "You set my endocrine glands all aflutter," "Every time I see you, it makes my endocrine glands jump into my throat" (note, this does not refer to the thyroid gland, which is already there), "Please don't interfere with the current mode of function of (i.e. break) my endocrine glands." My personal favorite, though, is "My endocrine glands are yours."

The best part of this plan is how little we actually need to change. Look at the chart in Wikipedia. Most of the endocrine glands actually look more like the traditional heart symbol than an actual heart does. We don't even need to change the symbol!

Do not let this fool you, though, next time you see a pointy bi-lobed outline of a human organ used in the middle of a sentence, it is not a heart, it is an endocrine gland.