Use More Words

The English language has by far the largest vocabulary of any language in the world. Your limited word usage is a disgrace to all those men and women who worked so hard at inventing words and adapting them from other languages. Here are some suggestions about how you can easily increase the number of words you use every day and honor the richness of the English language:

1.) Use more adverbs. For instance instance, "totally awesome" instead of "awesome," or "wicked sweet" instead of just "sweet."

2.) Choose a word, such as "like" or "y'know," and insert it every third or fourth word in conversation or writing.

3.) Avoid compound words, such as abso-fuckin-lutely. A three word combination such as hell-fuckin-yah works just as well.

4.) If compound words cannot be avoided, be sure to join them with hyphens rather than simply combining them. Two words hyphenated together count as between 1.5 and 1.75 words (depending on which linguists you trust) rather than one if you simply put them together.

5.) While you are contemplating an answer to a question, you can mutter a sequence of words, rather than simply saying "hmmmmm." This takes some training, as you will be contemplating the answer to the question, and not your rehearsed speech. Also, be careful to choose something that will be socially acceptable in any situation, as this response will become somewhat automatic in time.

6.) When referring to me in daily conversation, do not simply refer to me as "Theo" or "Theo VonHohenheim." Use my full name: Philiptus Areolus Theophrastus Bombastus VonHohenheim.

7.) When referring to yourself in conversation, repeat your name after 'I,' as in: "I, Caesar, claim this land in the name of Rome," or "I, Jimmy Everyman, like this sandwich."

If all of these suggestions are implemented, you can increase your daily word usage by up to 200-300% (depending on how many times I come up in conversation), without having to learn any new words at all.