Ancient Unanswerable Riddles Solved: Pt. 1

The Question: If a tree falls in the woods and no one is there to hear it, does it make a sound?

The Answer (long version): If this tree falls, it will cause vibrations in the air consistent with the sound of a tree falling. However, there is indeed something to the argument that a perceiver is necessary for these vibrations to count as a 'sound' proper. The right kind of auditory perceiver is necessary for the properties we generally associate with sound, such as pitch and timber, to exist. Otherwise it is simply a set of vibrations at certain frequencies. That said, there are many nonhuman woodland animals that would also count as this kind of perciever. So at the very least we need to remove them from the hypothetical vicinity as well as any humans. Personally, though, I am of the opinion that it can be counted as a sound as long as the right kind of perciever exists anywhere in the universe. So, if a tree fell before fish evoloved a sense of hearing, it did not make a sound. Every one after that happened did. In the end, this difference is merely one of semantics. (Note: Many arthropods and arachnids have some way of detecting vibrations. However, these are biomechanically so different from our hearing that I will not count it as such.)

The Answer (short version): Shut Up. I HATE this faux-profound bullshit.

This has been Ancient Unanswerable Riddles Solved. I am Theo Von Hohenheim, wishing you a good night.