Whiskey is Objectively the Greatest of the Liquors

Let's look at the competitors:

Vodka: The whole point of vodka is to distill the purest spirit possible. This is a drink that does not seek to define a taste; it seeks to eliminate taste. This is a real shame. Would you accept such a strategy from any other food? No. No you would not. Do not accept it from your liquor.

Gin: Gin was invented for the sole reason of masking the disgusting/blindingly disgusting flavor of liquors made during prohibition. Not to mention that it's flavor is from juniper. It is a poison flavored with poison. Sounds delicious, doesn't it?

Rum: Ever heard of the slave triangle? Molasses to rum to slaves, as they say. OK, fine, that's a tenuous connection at best. But really. Rum lacks character. It's made from sugarcane, for God's sake. Nothing to add flavor, just pure fermentable sugar juice. Lame. Very lame.

Flavored liquers of any kind: Get away from me. If you advocate any of this shit, I advocate that you never impose your existence on my consciousness again. In any way. I will not be responsible for my actions.

Tequila and mescal: Almost forgot tequila. Tequila is fine i guess. That is, if 'fine' is good enough for you. As for mescal, do you eat any other food with worms in it? No you don't. Hold your liquor to the same standard that you do food. After all, you do injest it, too.

And finally, lets look at whiskey. It is lovingly aged in charred barrels of white oak. Carefully crafted and refined by the best humanity can offer. A toast to the whiskey makers! Such delicious smoky flavor. And it comes in so many glorious forms! Bourbon! Single malt scotch! Blended scotch! (admittedly, rye whiskey kind of sucks, but even the best parents can have an asshole as a child)

So, there you have it. You be the judge. Who wins?

Well, nevermind, I'll be the judge. Whiskey wins. By a mile.