Tuesday, April 25, 2006

Shredder: Criminal Mastermind, or Bumbling Administrator?


I was recently thinking about the (first) Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles movie, and came to realize that Shredder was hardly the menacing despot he was set up to be. To illustrate this, here are several of the crimes that were committed or implied in the movie by Shredder or his criminal organization "The Foot:"

1.) distribution of tobacco products to minors
2.) petty larceny
3.) vagrancy
4.) 1 count kidnapping (Not sure this would hold up in court as Splinter was a rat. If not I guess its another instance of #2.)
5.) cruelty to animals
6.) a few counts of assault with a deadly weapon (Remember, this only counts for fights with April or KC Jones. All fights with Splinter or the turtles fall under #5.)

I suppose a really ambitious prosecutor would throw in some stuff like criminal negligence, reckless endangerment, and perhaps tax evasion. But this are just things they throw around when they don't have anything good to nail someone with.

The real point is this: where is the profit? I suppose they stole some tvs and stuff, but really, this could barely cover costs of administration and the lair he had set up. Remember the full arcade and skatepark? That stuff is not cheap. It seems that Shedder has amassed an army of petty thugs with nothing to lose and managed to do nothing with it. Was there ever a plan? Did he ever have a real business model? If so, I would bet it looks something like this:

Step 1: Accumulate gang of disaffected youths
Step 2: Train them in ninjitsu
Step 3: . . .
Step 4: Profit

I am very disappointed in you, Shredder.

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