Evolutionary Justification

What many people don't realize is that they have evolutionary justification for behaving like such assholes.

For instance, our livers are significantly larger than any other mammal our size, and presumably so that we can drink alcohol. You see, we have a genetic mandate to drink.

Similarly, there is good reason to believe that we are genetically wired to try and get in the pants of every woman that we see. We may have also evolved to enjoy watching criminals fry. We are even hardwired to assume causality. It also seems that we may have evolutionary reasons to hate people who disagree with us.

So next time someone asks you why you are being an asshole, explain to them: It was expedient for the survival of humanity as Pleistocene hunter-gatherers. Is there any better reason to do anything?